Yesterday, I received an “atta girl!” email.  A friend of mine had found out that I’d recently conquered a lifelong fear: I sang.

Then Kelly revealed to me that she had also stared down a big monster:  she climbed. Rock climbing, up high. She had clambered over her terror, to reach out and grab the exhilaration that awaited her at the peak. High-fives are clearly in order.

But while we’re at it, let’s also celebrate babies and their risky busy-ness.

Risk vs. Reward, Domain by Domain

Emotional Development:  Everything is a new prospect for your new baby. Especially being born.  I don’t know about you, but I need more than 2 or 3 days and an energy drink to pack up, relocate, and meet the new neighbors (who don’t understand a word I’m saying).  Your child’s payoff for enduring such big uncertainty: secure attachment — the emotional refueling that will launch your baby toward feeling successful when she tries new things.

Language Development:  Your infant doesn’t need a fancy foreign vacation to practice new language skills, she just needs you.  In the early days of her life, she makes a comment about her needs (it sounds like this:  ”waaaah!”). Her rewards?  Your prompt attention, your problem-solving skills.  As baby learns the household routines (and the difference between night and day!), she quickly moves on to other goals, like conversing and using every ounce of her cuteness to get you to speak up in return.

Social Development: At first, baby tries out a smile. Your loving response is all the applause she wants.  The risks get bigger as she enlarges her world to include friends, toys, sharing, make-believe, as well as new rules, roles, and responsibilities.

Motor Development: Give her an inch, and she’ll take a step.  In about a year or so.  Wiggling her body, holding your hand, chomping on her toes, couch-climbing, feeling her own facial expressions of excitement or frustration are all important milestones in body ownership. When she’s ready, her first steps will propel her past fear and into the exhilaration that awaits her in your shoe closet.

Intellectual Development:  Now it gets really simple.  Her job description: insatiable curiosity, goal-setting, touching, dropping, poking, scooting toward, grabbing. Your job description: Safety proofing. A young child who takes intellectual risks should be rewarded with discovery, not mishap.

We would all do well to take inspiration from young children. They walk the thin line between success and failure with an amazing gracefulness.

This past week, we’ve looked at the many ways that baby blankets help young children develop, calm down, think, explore, play, and get on with their lives.

Let’s end this series by getting to a blanket truth: they are a must-have child development tool for parents.

Even the simplest blankies assist parents with one of the most important infant needs: Sleep. Make that peaceful sleep. To the parents of newborns, it feels like life will never normalize again — partly because a new baby’s sleep habits seem so erratic.

By the time your baby enters the settled period (between 12- 16 weeks) he will begin to recognize night from day.  He’ll also detect a difference in the vibe at playful times versus supposed-to-be-sleeping times (partly because you’re such a bore when he tries to giggle with you at you at 3:35 am).

If parents provide consistent bedtime signals (you’re right not to giggle back in the middle of the night, btw), the settling in can happen more smoothly.  The familiarity (smell, feel, pattern) of his favorite bedcover tells baby 1) it’s time to sleep, and 2) this is a good thing, remember?

A review:

• Your newborn baby’s blanket can serve his emotional development as his transitional object (see Part 1 from Monday).
• Until more motor control naturally develops, a lightweight, natural-fiber cloth or sheet can meet the newborn’s need for physical stability  – his hug away from hug (re-read Tuesday’s Part 2: “The Swaddle”).
• Social development gets a boost when an older, sturdier baby enjoys high-energy games with a loved one and a beloved blankie (see Part 3 from Wednesday: “Search Party”)
• Intellectual development (curiosity) will outpace his ability act on it.  As motor skills catch up with curiosity, your older infant will want to reach out and touch an interesting, multi-textured coverlet (refer to Thurday’s, Part 4: “Touchy Feely”).

A worthy blankie, like a good parent, is capable of wrapping around a young child’s heart, mind, body and soul.

Halloween night can be a carnival of chaos for babies and young children.

It’s no surprise that the odd sights, and sounds, a first encounter with a (possibly) itchy costume, along with the new tastes and aromas, can quickly overload each of your little one’s five senses.

To change Halloween from a potentially stressful experience, into a fun, familar one — try this:

• Create costumes from cast-off or outgrown clothing.  Ankle-high, threadbare blue jeans are exactly what the scarecrow ordered. Use pink felt and non-toxic glue to transform a comfy, familiar sweatsuit into a mouse costume.  When you use materials that your toddler recognizes, you make the costume more approachable.
• Don’t set aside costumes for trick-or-treating only.  Your young child might back out of the whole overwhelming event at the last minute. If she has had time to wear and enjoy her costume, at least you will have gotten your money’s worth out of it.  Extend the life of your child’s costume by expecting her to want to wear it long before the big day — and long afterwards.  Dressing up in new outfits (and new personalities!) will stimulate the development of pretend-play skills.
• Use non-toxic face paint instead of masks.  Your young child will feel more in control if she can breath freely and see well.  Okay…. that’s a physical safety issue, as well.
• Involve everyone.  If your bulldog borrows big sister’s tutu for the evening, little sister sees yet another example of how much fun it can be to play along.

For more tips on protecting your child’s emotional safety at Halloween time, see these previous articles: Emotional Safety At Halloween Time, Part I & Emotional Safety, Part 2.

For more tips on how to encourage your child’s natural love for pretend play, read: Stage Mother.

~Nia, 15 year-old World History student.

That comment by my daughter is a poignant insight to parenting. When our children leave our homes, what they leave behind for us to excavate is the most tangible summary of the days of development gone by.

A mere glimpse of the green handprint wreath painting instantly transports me back to the front row of the Peace Preschool holiday show. What looks like a stack of scribbled-up papers to others is obviously a sample of artwork pieces that show the progression of my daughter’s cognitive, creative, and motor development — and I-don’t-care how much room the boxes take up.

“I need some art!”

~Nia, when she was a 3 year-old preschooler, stuck at home for Christmas Break.

I guess the holidays had been a little hectic. Then again, perhaps the days had not been busy enough for  a preschool veteran who was used to the comforting regularity of Ms. Donna’s classroom schedule.

Whether busy or bored, what Nia really needed is what all children need: a way to capture and record the meanings, thoughts, and feelings of what is happening in their lives.

Art allows young children to:

• Create subjective, symbolic representations of their life events.
• Have a tool to help them remember events, feelings, sights they’ve seen.
• Initiate, direct, and complete their own work.
• Make decisions independently.
• Assess their own work product.
• Accomplish all of the above, before they can even read or write.

What parents can do to help:

• With safety for younger siblings in mind, allow preschoolers independent access to as many of the art supplies as possible.
• Organize the art materials for your child’s ease of use and ability to predict what to expect about the art experience.
• Display the finished art for the whole family to enjoy.
• Make sure older siblings mind their own business (you too, parents). It is demoralizing for children to hear criticisms of their creative choices.
• Sneak in extra learning. There are so many new words kids can learn while they paint, draw, or look for collage materials.
• Sneak in some chores. Children will actually be happy to clean up and care for their art supplies when they realize that is they only way that the materials will remain in good condition for future fun.

This week at MommyGarten.com, we’ll look at various ways for you to help your baby, toddler, or preschooler to create authentic, developmentally appropriate art. Check back for more on The Art and Work of Creative Parenting series.

We’ve all heard about (or seen firsthand!) the kid who ditches the toy, and plays with the box instead.

Today’s blog post is for every parent, aunt, uncle, grandparent who has ever wondered why that happens.

Why big cardboard boxes are such a good fit for little kids, and your budget.

• You get good recycling karma from reusing that box your fridge came in!
• You don’t mind tossing out the box when it has been, literally, played out.
• Boxes provide open-ended play. Your child can hide and seek his friends, his toys, himself.
• Boxes set the stage — actually, boxes are the stage. With your child’s imagination in play, a box can be a cave, a spaceship, a boat, or an ocean.
• Toddlers and young children love crawling into small spaces — and not just because they know we can’t follow them. Those small contained spaces let kids hide or feel safe.

Speaking of safety…..

Once your toddler discovers the joy of hiding, he might hide in unexpected places.

Be sure to:

• Put away large boxes after playing with them — adult supervision is very important.
• Remove one side of the box for ease of escape.
• Choose a newer model toy chest (looks like a box, right?) that won’t slam down on tiny hands.
• Always make holes for ventilation, whether using the boxes inside or outside.

More ways to play with boxes and the toys that resemble them:

• Play jack in the box. Using a snippet of a recorded song your child knows, decide together when it’s time to pop out of the box.
• Tape the boxes together. Every castle needs a tower, yes?
• Open the end flaps, then tape boxes together to make a maze.
• Paint them. I’ve offered this activity on family fun nights — it’s a blast.
• Add pillows. Somebody just might decide to nap.

Check back weekly for updates on summertime fun with your baby, toddler, and young child.

]]> http://www.mommygarten.com/parenting-skills/summertime-and-the-parentings-easy/feed/ 0 http://www.mommygarten.com/parenting-skills/mommygarten-memories-parenting-skills/ http://www.mommygarten.com/parenting-skills/mommygarten-memories-parenting-skills/#comments Fri, 07 May 2010 13:04:32 +0000 Carly Jennings http://www.mommygarten.com/?p=402

This parenting stuff. What a job — you don’t get paid, plus, your boss is two-feet tall and hasn’t worked a day in his life.

I don’t know about you, but this week MommyGarten.com is on a well-deserved vacation. While we’re away, we want these posts from our archives get their fair share of attention. So please, enjoy these recaps.

Then get back to work.

Is your parenting pulse off the charts? (from February 2010)

Even well-prepared parents are startled by the difference between fantasy and the hard work of being responsible for another human life.  A helpless human life, unlike a colt or a baby chick, will not function in a recognizable way (just simple walking, basic talking) for at least a year.  What happened to the breezy, easy visions of baby lotion, smiles, and naps?

Parents need one of those chart things. How many lost hours of sleep are in the optimum training range?  The danger zone?  How much reality can you take per day?    By reality I mean tummy aches, tears and snot — but enough about what happens to dads during diaper changes, let’s get back to talking about the baby.

Maybe the chart could answer questions like:

• Really?  That fist thing is normal?

• Can she even see me?

• This cry sounds different, what does it mean?

• When will she smile?

• Why is he staring at my mouth?

• He hates being on his tummy, are you sure it’s good for him?

• It’s supposed to look like mustard?

Is it hunger, or something else? (from March 2010)

Because he is navigating this big, new, complex, noisy, sometimes chilly, sometimes stuffy world without words, your new baby will use strategies to communicate.

When he is hungry, here’s how he’ll try to tell you:

• If he’s asleep at all, it’s a light sleep.
• If awake, he is moving from the sleepier states into the more alert states.
• His arms are in motion.  Legs, too.
• Mouth, too.  He will start opening his mouth, moving his tongue around, making sucking  noises.  Your baby can give a hint, too.
• He sucks his hand for comfort (also does it for soothing sometimes, but look for more than one indicator of hunger.  You’ll detect them, Mom)
• Baby’s head might be moving toward you, your chest, your breast.  This is the rooting reflex that helped him find his first meal when he arrived on this planet.
• Timing is key.  Wailing for food is a last-ditch hunger signal.  The good news it that it will get easier to read the early, calmer signs of hunger.

He’s not hungry anymore when:

• He lets go of your breast, and moves his attention on to something else of interest.
• He turns away from your body.
• His body calms down.  The arms are at rest, the breathing is rhythmic.  Peaceful.
• He falls asleep after a long time at the breast.  Not to be confused with those ultra-sleepy new babies who are so tired they don’t show much interest in eating.

Is your baby feeling settled? (from March 2010)

Your baby will also take on some of the self-care task of regulation.  When excessive stimulation intrudes, he will attempt to shut out the stimuli by turning away, withdrawing, becoming irritable, or even crying or sleeping.  He will show his appreciation for your efforts to soothe him by quieting when you comfort him.

Parents can lessen baby’s stress by observing the cues of overstimulation.  Maintain a household environment that is easy on the senses.  Keep the daily care routines easy for your baby to predict.  Within a few weeks, you’ll be able to notice that your infant reacts when he sees the bottle or breast.

Setting aside time for meaningful interactions will make a difference, too.  By 3 months of age, your child will show excitement by increasing the movements of arm and legs when he recognizes a toy that he enjoys.

Your careful parenting work will pay off. Within a year, baby will become toddler.  A toddler who can wave “bye-bye”, imitate you, respond to phrases with actions, and know when to say “mama” or “dada.”  He’ll be a fully functioning member of the place you all call home.

We hope you’ve enjoyed this week of topical recaps.

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If there’s one thing Mother Earth does better than any of her sister planets, it’s giving birth.

She gestates. She grows things.  She’s a Fertile Myrtle. She’s a baby mama. She’s preggers. Get my drift?  She’s like Jon and Kate plus 8 wowzillion, ya dig?

The horny old broad has some randy heirs, too. Some of them breed every few days, while others modestly wait a year between litters. Yet, some of her more introverted progeny, like bamboo forests, get the urge once every 48 years.

Here’s how to invite some of Mother Earth’s offspring to a play date with yours.

Babies live by the WIIFM — “What’s In It For Me?” — principle. A windowsill herb garden will answer that question to your infant’s satisfaction. He can enthusiastically participate in the tending of this mini-garden.

Your older baby (6 -12 months) or toddler (12 -24 months) can:

• Use a small cup to water the plants that you tell him need care. At first he will need you to guide his hand; later he will imitate what he sees, then eventually, he will comply with your instructions on when and where to dump the water.
• Help you harvest the basil for tonight’s spaghetti. Or the cilantro for tomorrow’s scrambled eggs. Regardless of how much of the table food baby eats, he can be involved.
• Nibble along with you as you harvest the herbs.
• Smell the bounty of scents that an herb garden provides. Bruise the leaves and stems between your thumb and forefinger to release essential oils and fragrance. Hold the herb to your own nose to let baby know that an interesting smell awaits his attention.  Then offer the sample to him, about 3 inches from his face — see if he leans toward the scent, or otherwise shows an interest, before moving it closer to his nostrils.

Although preschoolers can deal with more information than infants or toddlers, the trick is still to stimulate attention without taxing attention spans.  Quick, daily parts of the gardening process will make for a developmentally appropriate introduction to gardening, and its ultimate purpose, self-care. Planting, then watching the garden for signs of growth, then ultimately harvesting, will give you plenty of teachable moments to share with your child.

If you are growing a lettuce, herb, or vegetable patch outside, your 3, 4, or 5 year-old can:

• Harvest according to your demonstrations and instructions.
• Use a sorting activity to build math skills. Tell him that today you will pick green things and red things, for example.  Give him a green crayon and a sheet of paper so that he can draw a depiction of a the green veggie you’ll be harvesting.  Provide a separate sheet and a red crayon for tomatoes, etc. Every time either of you collects an item, take the time to place it on the pile (or basket or bowl) that belongs to the corresponding illustration.
• Wash the day’s bounty to your satisfaction.
• Arrange and proudly serve up salads to hungry, appreciative family members.

No garden of your own? No worries, Mommy. A picnic will do. With Eric Carle’s classic tale, The Very Hungry Caterpillar, as your guide,  your child can hear a good story, become more familiar with counting, and taste-test the earth-grown foods mentioned in the book.

The most important lesson to be learned: Food doesn’t really come from a box or a window on the side of a building — food comes from a hands-on process.

Yesterday’s post:  Water Wednesday — no nagging, no conservation.  Just fun.

Check back tomorrow for more of Earth Day all week at MommyGarten.com!

The baby-biz lingo, “toilet learning,” conjures images of skipped classes, Fonzie jackets and smokin’ in the boys’ room.

For toddlers and the bathrooms that await them, the key word is “readiness.”  Most children are not ready to learn this complex process until about halfway between their second and third birthdays.

There are plenty of parents who insist (hope?) otherwise. And sure, some tots will offload cargo if you help them pull up to the dock at just the right moment. But that doesn’t mean the kids are “trained” — it means their parents are.

Developmental milestones for learning to use the bathroom.

Children will reliably, independently, and hygienically use the room with a potty when they are ready in every developmental domain. The following questions will help you decide when to teach your child about using the bathroom.

Emotional development – Whose idea is this?

Starting at around 12-14 months of age, your child is in the throes of the normal stage of negativism. His strong feelings of independence and his love of saying “no” might embroil you in more power struggles than potty trips if you pressure him.  When your child starts to dislike the feeling of being wet or soiled, you’ll have yourself a partnership.

Social development – Does your child care about potty training as much as you do?

After negativism passes, and your child becomes more cooperative, he will want to comply with more of your requests. He will have discovered that he wants to grow up, have different clothing, and leave babyhood behind. Your toddler will want to be more like the bigger people who are his role models. It is healthy and normal for him to observe that older family members use the bathroom.

Cognitive development – How many details can your toddler manage at once?

Using the bathroom is quite a process. It involves recognizing the need, responding in a timely manner, asking for help at first, disrobing, and then relaxing one’s body while balancing on a chair with a hole in it. Let him practice as much as he wants to. Let him practice with clothes on, with clothes off.  Let him sit there and settle in while thumbing through a book. These activities will help him get more familiar with the details of going to the bathroom.

Language development – Does your child have the expressive language skills to ask for the help he needs?

It’s a good development when your child increasingly wants to stop wetting and soiling a diaper to that he can be clean and dry. It’s an even more promising development when he tells you so. Be sure to teach him the words that are acceptable to your family (and/or his caregivers) for these body functions. Alerting you to the fact that he is having a bowel movement is one of the first steps of taking responsibility for body functions. He’ll soon be ready for more complex responsibilities.

Motor development – Is your child’s body ready to “hold it” until he can get to the bathroom?

The sphincter muscles that allow for bladder and bowel control have some of the last nerves in the body to finish developing. Even if your child understands the process of going to the bathroom, is highly motivated to go, and desperately wants big boy underwear, if he cannot control his muscles yet, he will not have consistent success.  What he needs instead is non-shaming help in cleaning himself, along with encouragement for trying again next time.

The humble rattle: historical staple of baby dowries.

For such a simple toy, the rattle is worth is weight in gold. This parenting tool distracts a fussy baby, attracts a bored baby, halts the tears of a crying baby, and stands ups to the chomps of a teething baby.

Beyond the emergency uses, this toy can help your infant grow across developmental domains.

Motor development

Your newborn has to learn how to grasp things in her small hand.  You can help her practice by gently opening her (probably) fisted hand, then placing a rattle in it. Reflexes will tighten her grip on the rattle, but she will probably not hold on, and won’t have a clue where it goes when she drops it. Don’t take that to mean she’s not interested in the rattle.  Just pick it up, shake it to call her attention, then help her hold it again, even if only for a moment.

A settled baby (3 months and older) will still need your help acquiring the rattle (remember that it’s easier to accept if you offer it at midline — middle of her body).

Intellectual development

Once she has the thing in her clutches, she will fully enjoy her first cause and effect toy.  Expect arm flailing (even the one not holding anything) as she figures out how to make the toy make the sound she wants to hear. This kind of open-ended, self-directed play is very satisfying to your infant’s developing curiosity.

In this era of complicated baby gear, it is easy to overlook, this time-tested, tried and true, parenting tool cum baby toy. But your child will benefit from having a back-to-basics rattle in her hand.