• Young babies (birth to 6 months):

Pictures are a worthy enough substitute for the words your baby cannot yet write. Snap photos of your adorable little one in her grandparent-funded layette.  Your sister-n-law will know that you (and baby) appreciate the cute and useful gift of a teething ring when she sees a pic of your infant happily gnawing away.  Tuck these precious moments into your thank-you notes.

• Older babies and toddlers (6 – 24 months):

More active babies might need a more active medium to convey their delight with a new gift or toy: video.  Smart phones and small recorders make it easy to capture a special moment and email it within minutes.  Older toddlers can talk enough and follow simple directions long enough to participate in the filming — you two can work together to produce a sincere, simple “thank you!” shout-out that will make the recipient’s day.

• Two and Three year olds:

Let the scribbling begin!  Really.  Your youngster can “ready, aim, scribble” on a piece of paper, so let her.  On the first try, a two year-old might approach this task with the grace of Norman Bates, turned loose on another shower curtain; but by age 3, many children will have the muscular control to grasp a kid-sized (washable!) marker  and copy the example circle that you draw.  When she adds eyes and a smile to that circle, she will have written a powerfully accurate chronicle of how someone’s generosity made her feel.

• Preschoolers:

If, at this stage of note-writing, your child asks you to be the scribe, it’s very helpful for you to go along. Just make sure the words are all hers. Kiddie thoughts move much faster than little fingers. Reading back the note you’ve written on behalf of your child reinforces the magical connection between ideas and the words that represent them.

We know that a kid this age isn’t often in touch with her “inner editor.”  And you know what?  She don’t need an external one right now.  Let her experiment with letter-like squiggles, random letters, crooked letters, and invented spellings. That stuff is all developmentally appropriate at this stage.

Thank you for reading.

One of our family’s favorite photographs shows my Army veteran dad in his new uniform: pajamas and bathrobe.  The photo shows Dad perched at the edge of the sofa that dominated our den, as he dutifully fed a baby doll.

He had barely awakened and poured his coffee one Thanksgiving morning when a higher-ranking officer, my toddler daughter Nia, gave him his orders.

Having served as designated doll sitter on a previous occasion, he knew the drill.  Nia allowed Gramps to carry on with his joke telling and bonding with grandsons, as long as he tended to her doll.  If a burst of laughter or a raucous knee slap threatened to displace “Baby,” Nia approached and righted the bottle’s aim at her doll’s perpetually parted lips. If voices rose at the delivery of a punch line, my daughter admonished Gramps by pressing a dimpled index finger to her pursed lips that had only recently abandoned their own pacifier.  My dad always responded to her supervision with a good-natured smile, and by renewing his attention to doll duty.

Gramps might not have known how to explain the child development theory at work that morning, but he knew the importance of participating.  By playing along with his grandaughter, he clearly conveyed that her ideas were worthy of his efforts.  Joining in pretend play gives parents and other important people an opportunity to practice narration techniques like parallel talk.  When my mother offered Nia a running commentary on her activities by saying, “You wrapped your baby so carefully in her blanket,” or “You carry your baby on your hip like your mother carries you around,” she gave even more validation to the importance of the pretend play scenario.

Questions serve the same supportive purpose —  they stimulate more thinking, more creating. Extend the possibilities of playtime by asking your little one to tell you her baby’s name, which car can go faster, or why the lion is so quiet.  The spontaneity you add will demonstrate your attunement .  She knows you are paying attention when you wonder out loud where the pirates have hidden the marshmallows or why the teddy bear needs a Band-Aid.  When important adults become part of the setting for pretend play, they make it easier for children to immerse themselves in it.

Ways to boost the developmental benefits of pretend play:

• Add music.  Regular exposure to music has been correlated higher SAT scores, higher reading scores, elevating the mood of children, and even reducing misbehavior on school buses!

• Add dance.  Your kinesthetic learner will thank you.

• Add costumes (more on that in part 3 of this series on Sociodramatic Play).

• Add food.  The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle is a terrific multi-age book that promotes healthy snacking — until day 6, that is!

• Add art.  The Snowy Day by Ezra Jack Keats’ is a lovely starting point for making paper snowflakes and watercolor painting.

• Snap pictures for later discussion and memory enhancement.  Make a book of them.

• Ask your child for instructions on how to participate, or play a role.  Talk about planning skills!

Remember:

• Dramatic play strengthens every area of development.
• Pretend play empowers children to re-visit (and re-write the ending to) difficult or challenging events.
• Pretend play supports every area of future learning such as language and literacy; abstract thinking skills that convert into math and science ability; the bodily awareness that promotes physical fitness; and social skills.
• Adults and siblings participate in the play when they accept invitations to join in