~Nia, 15 year-old World History student.

That comment by my daughter is a poignant insight to parenting. When our children leave our homes, what they leave behind for us to excavate is the most tangible summary of the days of development gone by.

A mere glimpse of the green handprint wreath painting instantly transports me back to the front row of the Peace Preschool holiday show. What looks like a stack of scribbled-up papers to others is obviously a sample of artwork pieces that show the progression of my daughter’s cognitive, creative, and motor development — and I-don’t-care how much room the boxes take up.

“I need some art!”

~Nia, when she was a 3 year-old preschooler, stuck at home for Christmas Break.

I guess the holidays had been a little hectic. Then again, perhaps the days had not been busy enough for  a preschool veteran who was used to the comforting regularity of Ms. Donna’s classroom schedule.

Whether busy or bored, what Nia really needed is what all children need: a way to capture and record the meanings, thoughts, and feelings of what is happening in their lives.

Art allows young children to:

• Create subjective, symbolic representations of their life events.
• Have a tool to help them remember events, feelings, sights they’ve seen.
• Initiate, direct, and complete their own work.
• Make decisions independently.
• Assess their own work product.
• Accomplish all of the above, before they can even read or write.

What parents can do to help:

• With safety for younger siblings in mind, allow preschoolers independent access to as many of the art supplies as possible.
• Organize the art materials for your child’s ease of use and ability to predict what to expect about the art experience.
• Display the finished art for the whole family to enjoy.
• Make sure older siblings mind their own business (you too, parents). It is demoralizing for children to hear criticisms of their creative choices.
• Sneak in extra learning. There are so many new words kids can learn while they paint, draw, or look for collage materials.
• Sneak in some chores. Children will actually be happy to clean up and care for their art supplies when they realize that is they only way that the materials will remain in good condition for future fun.

This week at MommyGarten.com, we’ll look at various ways for you to help your baby, toddler, or preschooler to create authentic, developmentally appropriate art. Check back for more on The Art and Work of Creative Parenting series.

… is to let him undress. Surely you’ve noticed that your kid agrees with me.

I’ll admit (because he won’t) that undressing seems to undo the point of getting dressed in the first place.

But your toddler isn’t confused at all. From his point of view, getting undressed always follows getting dressed.  I know you think the day should elapse before changing outfits, but he thinks an hour is long enough.

Just remember —  you encouraged him.  Do you recall when he was about 12 months old, and began holding out his arm when you approached him with a shirt?  Charming wasn’t it?  You praised him didn’t you? Well, he believed you, and continued developing his self-care skills, especially the part he could, ahem, pull off by himself.

Mixed milestones

Here’s the thing:  Passivity is easier than activity.  Receptive language shows itself sooner than expressive language. Being able to get oneself dressed is more complicated than getting undressed, depending on the garment.

Removing a sock is a snap for a 12 month-old child.  But he typically won’t even try to put socks on for another year.  At 30 months, your child can unbutton or unzip.  But having the dexterity to even get the zipper started is about a year away. Buttoning a real shirt — completely — also emerges around 3 1/2 years of age. What is important about every attempt is that your child wants to learn to take responsibility for himself.

Ways you can help:

• Be patient. As I’ve cautioned before, toddler ambitions often mature before toddler abilities. This frustrates young kids, so they need their big people to be on an even keel.
• Talk about clothing. New words to learn:  socks, hat, plaid, orange, zipper, earmuffs.  Offer new words, offer him a turn to say the names of items, but don’t quiz your toddler.
• Talk about body parts. Socks go on feet, a hat belongs on the head, earmuffs are for ears, orange is …orange-y — you get the idea.
• Perhaps dressing and undressing a doll or stuffed animal will help your child practice the skills he wants to acquire.

Did I mention you should be patient?

You will see outfits that don’t match. Maybe even outfits that don’t fit. There are more worse dilemmas than a 3 year-old who cannot match up clothing — such as a 3 year-old who can.

Take my word for it: that kid will someday turn into a 15 year-old who wants to go to the mall.

He’s finally good at walking (but you keep trying to stop him), he’s talking (but the big people act like they don’t understand what he’s trying to say), he can eat alone (if somebody would just let him pick out the green things), and he remembers where you hid his best toys (you call them Hummel figurines, or some such thing).

Your child is particularly vulnerable to tantrums during his second year of life (12-24 months) because his understanding of what is happening around him is clearer than ever.  Yet his ability to determine his own destiny hasn’t caught up.  As he recognizes his own will to do things, his own independence, expect some mild disagreements.  When the refusals escalate, they become tantrums.

This, too will pass.  But until it does, here’s what you can do to minimize the stress for both of you:

Respect his schedule. The newborn baby doesn’t have one, the settled baby has done a lot of work to regulate himself into a schedule, and the toddler desperately needs one.  If his body thinks it’s naptime, and you consider it a great time to stock up on perfume samples at the mall, your child’s point of view will be heard up and down the escalators.

Keep your cool. The word “no” has had a lot of power over him lately, so who can blame him for trying it out for himself?  Expect him to engage in refusals to cooperate.  The best thing you can do is be consistent.  For example: He wears a shirt to playgroup.  Period.  It’s far better in the long run to miss one play date over the standoff, (and have him learn that you mean what you say) than to have a daily, energy-sapping cycle of boundary testing.

Have no shame. If you don’t think your child should play in the revolving door (and you’d be right about that, Mommy) — don’t give in.  Who cares who’s looking, tsk-tsk-ing, or judging?  If those strangers really cared (or mattered), they’d offer to load your groceries into the trunk while you load your screaming child into his car seat.

Hug it out. Once the tantrum is in full-on mode, stay even-tempered and compassionate with your child.  Raising your voice, or your pulse, is exhausting.  Unless somebody’s around to tuck YOU in for a guaranteed nap, save your strength.  Once the storm has passed, your toddler will need some help understanding what just happened.  Words for his feelings won’t end the tantrums right away, but over time, words will be such a useful tool that the confusing, stormy feelings won’t need to be enacted so vigorously. When his mouth can say, “I’m frustrated!” his body won’t have to.

]]> http://www.mommygarten.com/emotional-development/the-taming-of-the-tantrum/feed/ 0 http://www.mommygarten.com/language-development/the-success-secrets-of-talkative-toddlers/ http://www.mommygarten.com/language-development/the-success-secrets-of-talkative-toddlers/#comments Tue, 16 Mar 2010 13:00:12 +0000 Carly Jennings http://www.mommygarten.com/?p=179 Gab is good.

Parents await baby’s first word with a vigilance that rivals the arrival of baby himself.

The ability to communicate is one of the markers of leaving babyhood and entering full personhood.  In about 17 years, this ability will also be a marker of leaving home, and entering college.  Got SAT scores?

Talkative Toddlers defined:

Toddler

Well, to be precise I’ll define a toddler as someone who might or might not walk alone yet.  And if he does walk, he might or might not do it with unsteady steps, hence the word, toddle.

To be imprecise, yet ironically more accurate to the way the word is used, I’ll decree that a toddler is generally considered to be a child between the ages of 12 and 36 months.  A child with one or two birthdays behind him.

Talkative

The ability to use, understand, enjoy, practice, or respond to a developmentally-appropriate quantity of spoken language sounds, body language cues, and meanings.

Your 12 to 24 month-old will be talkative when he:

• Uses words and/or body language to express himself.
• Learns enough words to follow simple instructions.
• Has favorite songs, fingerplays, poems, or stories.  And enjoys hearing them repeated.
• Speaks baby jargon.  This interesting phenomenon sounds like “real” speech because of your baby’s ability to imitate grownup speech rhythms and vocal inflections.

Your 24 to 36 month-old will be a talkative one when he:

• Speaks in sentences.  Two and three words, at first.
• Understands orientational words like under, over, on, behind, in, out, and front.
• Is able to follow more complex instructions.
• Remember the words to his favorite songs, fingerplays, poems, or stories.  He’ll even say the words along with you as you read.
• Enjoys naming things.  Pictures in books, body parts, environmental graphics and print.

Success Secrets Revealed:

1. Talkative toddlers began life as talked-to babies.
2. They were seen and heard.  Adults spoke Parentese to them, listened to their cues, respected their requests.
3. Their parents knew what to expect.  Their loved ones understood that babies can understand more words, and understand them sooner than they can express those very words.
4. Talkative toddlers are multimedia-savvy.  In addition to words, there are songs, poems, and storybooks in their world.
5. They had role models.  Their big people (parents, siblings) played with songs, poems, conversations, books —  words in general.

I’m talking about the ability to talk.  There are differences in temperament, learning styles, and personality that will determine some children’s communication preferences.  Those traits are for people to choose and honor as they grow.  It is the work of parents to make sure that children have words at the ready when they want to use them.

It usually comes at me like this:  ”She’s growing so fast!” or  ”Does she look different to you?”  Sometimes a mom just sighs and says, “Ohh, he’s losing all his baby fat since he started walking.”

I tell parents that just as babies grow across diverse developmental domains, they also grow up in several observable ways.

Because I believe that parents are the real experts about their own babies, years ago I started asking parents themselves to help me solve the babyhood demarcation question.  There has always been a fascinating pattern to the answers.

Pre-parents (especially pregnant couples) give a definitive answer.  They tend to think that babyhood ends around the time of the first birthday.  But on-the-job parents (especially moms) who may or may not have already answered my question previously, describe the end of babyhood in terms of milestones, often physical ones like walking.  Hands-on parents also see changes in body type as a gauge of emerging toddler-ness.  When Moms and Dads do specify a time frame as the end of babyhood, they usually say 18 months or later.

The following developmental milestones begin to emerge around the time baby is 12 months old, and most children display nearly all of them by 18 months — exactly the time frame bounded by my terribly unscientific, yet excruciatingly accurate, longitudinal-ish survey.  Once again, parents know best.

You will know your infant is making a big move from the very needy first year of life, to the external world of multiple relationships, complex interactions, and asserting a separate identity when you observe the following milestones:

1. Imitation.  Your child will mimic simple actions, like talking on the telephone, or applying mascara (have we talked about safety-proofing yet?).  This isn’t the same as pretending.  Pretending involves an awareness of the unreality of the scenario.  When a 12-month old decides to rummage through your purse to use your cell phone, he’s not kidding.
2. Shaking head side-to-side.  We all know what that means.
3. Wanting to help when you put his clothes on.  He knows the routine, and he knows he can participate, so he does.  Quite charming.
4. Walks without help.  This time frame varies much more than new parents realize.  What really matters is the year-long sequence of body development that leads to walking.
5. Playing with others.  I didn’t say “sharing,” did I?  I didn’t even say “taking turns.”  That, too will have to be learned.
6. Purposefully uses a writing tool.  I can’t remember, so I have to imagine how empowering it must feel to go from needing a big person for almost everything in life, to being able to leave a mark on an otherwise blank surface.  Then another one!  And another! Why is mommy running toward me?  Oh, she wants to color, too — she doesn’t like clean bare walls, either.  Yay!
7. Will hand you an object when you ask.  If you ask nicely.  Unless it’s the marker he’s using to spiff up those boring walls of yours.
8. Wanting to control his own eating.  This is a prime time for power struggles around food and finickiness to begin.  Avoid them by knowing when he’s ready and capable of feeding himself.  He’ll certainly know.
9. Skills.  Social skills, to be precise.  Your growing baby enjoys saying “Hi” — at the appropriate time.  This feat is quite advanced beyond the stage of waving “bye-bye” on command.  That’s so 9-months old.  When your baby greets someone, he shows that he understands how people are to treat one another, and when to do so.
10. Often says ”No.”  Often says it when you interrupt his coloring, or anything else he thinks needs to be done at that moment.  But who can blame him?  He’s been hearing that word a lot lately.

Moms and Dads instinctively understand what it means to be a baby: Dependence.  And what it means to grow up: Independence.  Moving from needing others to wanting to function independently is something that babies instinctively know they’re ready for.  It’s something they are eager to announce to the world.

“We’ve got to get her walkin’!” was Don’s battle cry upon hearing that his 14-month old granddaughter Lynn didn’t seem destined to begin walking any sooner than her mother or her uncle Rick had started — at the ripe age of 16 months.  Lynn’s mom (Don’s daughter) had just casually explained that little Lynn’s playgroup peers were already walking.  And snatching Lynn’s toys, then walking off with them.  The 14 month-old was helpless to do more than protest.

Visions of fifth-place finishes, runner-up trophies, and being picked last for teams swirled through Don’s anxious mind as he considered the future implications of his granddaughter’s missing milestone.  That Don’s own children has begun walking a little later then typical did not calm his fears.  Nor was his patience assisted by his medical training.  On most days Don, a doctor, understood (on an intellectual level) the wide range of normal human development.  But at that moment, Don was in Grandpa mode.

Sure, motor development milestones are important.  But parents can stress less, and enjoy their babies more if they use milestones to navigate, not rush the journey.

Here is a list of key body milestones, and what parents should do about them:

Newborn:

• Has hands that remain fisted for the first few weeks of life. Gently help her to hold your finger during nursing or quiet-alert times.
• Has a wobbly head that needs support. Tummy time is the answer!  A couple of “floor workouts” per day (3-5 minutes each) will help baby’s neck, torso, and upper body become stronger.  She may protest, or she may become an early crawler!
• Wiggly-ness. Use a safe bumper pad in the crib to protect baby from hard surfaces.  Bonus:  Choose a pad that offers visual stimulation.

Settled baby:

• Can support head by leaning on forearms. Like I said… crawling.  Time to think about safety-proofing.
• Has open hands that can reach for and grab things. Attract her attention to toys by shaking them gently.
• Likes to look at her own hands, sometimes bring them together, and bring items to her mouth. Offer age-appropriate toys to her at midline (the middle of her body).

Older baby:

• Can sit up on her own. Give her interesting toys and small, cardboard books to touch, hold, grab while she enjoys the new view.
• Starts crawling. Like I said…. safety proofing. She doesn’t have to crawl before she walks.  Not all babies go through this stage.  Those who do deserve a completely safety- proofed home.  In fact, parents, I suggest you get down and crawl around and see the dangers or temptations from your curious baby’s point of view.  Remove them, and let the exploring begin!
• Stands up.  Wow. She’ll do this while holding on, at first.  She needs solid, stationary items to help her pull herself up to standing.  Her intellectual curiosity can be satisfied by her own actions.  THIS is a milestone.
• Likes cruising. Don’t worry, this has nothing to do with your car keys or insurance rates.  Yet.  This means your baby is beginning to take…. er, baby steps along your furniture.  Good time for goal-setting, too.  Place an enticing toy just beyond your child’s reach.  Let her work toward and earn that reward.
• Gets back down to sitting. From the standing position or the cruising position, baby can lower herself back to the floor.
• Begins walking. Oh, yes, that.  At first, your baby will appreciate a helping hand.  After all that your baby accomplished in the first year of owning a body, this event almost seems more pivotal for the parents than for the baby.  Don’t get me wrong.  This vital milestone is important.  But so is the journey.

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